If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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