Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
