i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
