you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
