Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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