so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We are two peas in an std pod
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
