I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
