mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
