Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My dick has a subreddit
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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