I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize