I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
