I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
