When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
