it hurts more in the daytime
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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