WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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