Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
