Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
