What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
