the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
