My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
