i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
