Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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