no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
