Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
