Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
