I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
