woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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