I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
