Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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