I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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