too bad you live with your parents still
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
