i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize