Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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