Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
