Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
