I wish I could punch you in the face.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
