my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We are two peas in an std pod
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize