she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
