so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
