2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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