he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The feeling are messing with the penis
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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