Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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