Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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