I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
