You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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