Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
