Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
