I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
