Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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