he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
