Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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