so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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