she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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