Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
