my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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