ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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