YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
