Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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