i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
