Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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