My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
