Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
