it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize