I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
