I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
