yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize