Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
