she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
