thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
As shirtless as possible
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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