I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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