apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
