Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
