my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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