Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
