Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
