Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
