When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
