I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
