she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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