idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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